Elevating the Men of the World by Rediscovering their Masculinity with Michael Lauria on Episode #0077

Intro  [0:00]  

EA interviews Episode 77. Inspiration, transformation, success stories, and the Imperfect Action Round seven days a week. Join Mario Fachini for today’s Expert Authority Effect interview. Have you ever wanted to rediscover your masculinity? Have you ever wanted to get back to what you were told growing up? Men nowadays, I think they, I don’t know what the heck has happened, but I know even from when I went back to grade school, middle school, whatever point you want to say in life, things have changed over the last 50,100 years. I think that’s a polite way of saying it. And I’m very excited to have Michael Lauria on the show today because he has just launched his book forging Excalibur, and it’s about rediscovering your masculinity. We’re going to dive into this and he is going to be taking all his expertise from speaking, from training, from mentoring and now, publishing. I’m very excited for him to share that. And he’s going to be bringing it to you. Because I believe if we can raise up more men in the world, the world will be a much, much better place. And I think it just comes down to people don’t know where to look, they don’t know who to follow. They don’t know who to have as an example anymore. And why not be that example? But if you don’t have that example, how do you know what to be? Michael is going to jump into this, and I can’t wait to hear his thoughts on it, but right after we thank our sponsor. 

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Mario Fachini [1:47]

Here he is, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Michael Lauria. Michael, it’s great to have you on the show.

Michael Lauria  [1:51]  

Thank you, Mario. I appreciate the invitation. Thank you.

Mario Fachini  [1:56]  

Tell me about your company. How did this all start? Congratulations on publishing your recent book, but I know it started long before that. Take me on that journey.

Michael Lauria  [2:06]  

Indeed. It’s a long journey Mario. So it started, it probably started a good 25 years ago. I’m — just turned 45 and my journey started from when I was an adult, when I became an adult. And I went out there in the world and did all the things that we do and I got married and had kids and then, got divorced, and all of the stuff that goes along with that. And then, became a counselor, and a coach and a mentor along the way, too. So it’s been a long journey and you know, 25 years of an adult journey, you learn a lot, don’t you? You really do.

Mario Fachini  [2:38]  

You do learn a lot. I can say even in the last few years, I’ve learned a lot, but I’m excited for you to share about discovering your masculinity because like I was saying when I brought you up, what are you — what’s your — let’s talk about that. I mean, why do you think everything’s different now than when it was 30, 40, 50 years ago, and I’ve seen memes and I’ve seen Facebook things and it had a picture of like Sinatra with dress clothes and a hat. And then, you know, now, nowadays, it’s — let’s just say worse. What’s your take on it? I don’t want to be mean, but at the same point, I don’t want to make it sound like there are any words remotely. I mean, just look around. I mean, what’s your take on it? Let’s dive into this. What happened to men over the last 50, 100 years?

Michael Lauria [3:23]  

Well, how controversial do you want to get? How controversial — where do you want to go here? So –

Mario Fachini  [3:28]  

It’s my show. We can say whatever we want. So say whatever you want. We got time. We got time. And we also have the international dateline working in our favor. I know you’re hailing from Melbourne, Australia, and I’m over in the US. So let’s just roll. I mean, whatever.

Michael Lauria  [3:44]  

Yeah, cool. Okay. I think masculinity used to be very, very well defined back in the day. Back in the so called day, it was very well defined. It was very well defined what a man did in life and in a relationship and just out there in the world and it was very well defined what a woman did. Not to say that that was necessarily right, but things were well defined. And so, as we’ve progressed through the last few decades and we’ve experienced different ways that our society has actually evolved, I think it’s time to now start to understand that there are different ways of embodying masculinity, there are different ways of embodying femininity as well and the lines are very blurred between men and women. And I think what’s happened is that men have gotten to a point or in my experience, I’ve noticed, in my coaching practice for the last 15 years, I’ve noticed that men have really gotten to a point where they’re very confused about who they’re meant to be and how they’re meant to show up in a relationship and in the world. I also believe that the feminist movement which started out with the best of intentions has now become something very different from what it started from. And that’s created a lot of issues, honestly, because the feminist movement now is, as I said, very, very different to what it was back then. And I’m talking about in the ’60s, ’50s, and ’60s and into the ’70s. It was all about women’s rights and getting women to be out of vote and getting, you know, women in equality of opportunity in the workforce and all those sorts of things, right? So that was all good. And we have, we’ve already achieved all of that. And feminism is kind of gone. I don’t know where it’s gone. But it’s gone where it’s — in places where it’s become, in my opinion, very harmful to men and to women. And so —

Mario Fachini  [5:39]  

How has it become harmful to men?

Michael Lauria  [5:43]  

Well, I believe it’s become harmful to men because every time a man, or it appears this way, that every time a man steps up into some kind of level of confidence and self-assuredness, it’s very quickly suppressed and all repressed as being toxic. And so, we see a lot of — I know we do here in Australia and I’m pretty sure you do over in the US as well, we see a lot of stuff in the media around toxic masculinity. And I’m just finding men, just trying to express, just trying to fully express even in healthy ways, if it comes across as overly confident or overly, let’s say, patriarchal, that’s a term that’s heard, that’s banded around a lot, then it’s, it’s labeled as toxic. And then, when you couple that with May 2 movement, which again, started very, very — in a –with the greatest of intentions, the best of intentions, which was obviously to help and support women who were being sexually harassed or to prevent the potential for that even happening to them. That all started off with the best of intentions and now, we’ve gotten to a point where even if a man looks at a woman in the wrong way and a woman becomes offended, then immediately the man must have done something offensive. And so, the influence is made very, very quickly that a man is toxic, and masculinity is toxic, and even, even the, you know, even the mere act of approaching a woman in a bar now and saying hi could be easily construed as disrespectful and sexual harassment. And then, you know, men is finding it very difficult and they’re very confused about how to just be in society in 2019. And so, that’s what really motivated this book. And I only started writing the book in February, and it was published in on the 1stt of May, so it was quick, but that’s what motivated me to write the book because I just see such a disconnect between men and their masculinity and how they feel comfortable in the expression of their masculinity.

Mario Fachini  [8:00]  

I get everything you’re saying. And I even saw the other day about, they took a poll, about 60{d1d47f886dfada3fbec120c845cf21cbf2de07a46032aee93c7c36510b4a5e81} or 65{d1d47f886dfada3fbec120c845cf21cbf2de07a46032aee93c7c36510b4a5e81} of men in the workplace don’t even want to talk to women now, because they’re afraid it might get misconstrued or something. It was the whole article. I don’t know if it was Facebook, LinkedIn, wherever, whatever. I mean, we’re all inundated with stuff, but it was just shocking, because it was like, what’s that doing to business? What’s it do — I do not agree with anyone that’s getting hurt or any of that. I mean, I don’t support that one bit, but like you’re saying, on the flip side, if you can’t even say, “Hey, Sally, you know, are — we’re working on this together on the project.” I mean, if you’re afraid to just have open communication, even in a workplace, 62, 65 whatever it is, it’s like, you know, how do you keep that meter like you’re saying, again, I’m not — if anyone has ever had been harmed, I know too many people, they need to speak up. Absolutely. 

Michael Lauria  [9:07]

Absolutely. I fully support. 

Mario Fachini [9:08]

That’s horrible over here, but at the flip side, if you can’t have a conversation, no one’s gonna want to talk to each other anymore. It’s like, you know, what’s your take? How do we find that happy medium?

Michael Lauria  [9:22]  

Well, I think the happy medium comes down to taking personal responsibility and just common sense as well. I mean, if there’s — and this is where it becomes a bit of a gray area because personal responsibility is lacking in our society in a big way and common sense seems very scarce in our society as well. And so, when we’re relying on these two very ambiguous things in order to find some kind of balance and some kind of way for men and women to work together at a high level and at a respectful level, it’s going to be difficult. But having said that, I mean, you were talking about an article there in the US, there was an article here that was published maybe two weeks ago now, on a similar subject, and that was a company in a memo had actually released a memo to its male staff members say that if they have a meeting with a member of the opposite sex, it must be in an open public environment in the workplace. And they must have other people within close proximity. So — and one of the recommendations that was made was never hold a meeting with a member of the opposite sex in a private boardroom. And for me, you kind of have to say I — first of all, I think that inhibits people working at a high level in the workplace. That’s one thing. The second thing is it sets up all of these things within our mind. All of these hesitancies within our mind about then, do I approach, let’s do Sally, do I approach Sally and asked her to meet with me about this particular thing or do I need to put it in writing? And then, I put it in writing on an email, and I’ll type out an email and I’ll type out an email and say, Hi, Sally. Can I say I hope you will? Well, maybe if I say I hope you will, that will be misconstrued. So I did not say I hope, I hope you will say hi, Sally, I’m writing to you in relation to the meeting that we had the other day in the presence of whoever, whoever in the presence of Bob and let’s choose what’s my wife’s name, Amanda, Amanda in the in the boardroom, and I’d like to touch base with you, oh, I better take the word catch up. I mean, it gets to the point where who knows what to even say and how to say it and how to represent yourself. And so, also, I support all of this equality and I support the May 2 movement in the spirit of what the May 2 movement stands for. And I support feminism in the spirit of what feminism used to stand for. I think we’ve gone way to the other — the pendulum has just swung so far to the other the other way that now, I’m not sure how to bring it back again to a place where is balanced and harmonious and where men and women can, can show up in life together and achieve things in a really positive way, because we used to be able to. You know, you look back in ancient civilizations and there are some differences in societies between now and back then, but we achieve — we built some powerful, powerful empires and powerful civilizations when roles were clearly defined, and we respected each other and when women got to do what women do best and men got to do what men do best and there was no blurring of the lines. Look at what we built. We built a whole civilization. And now, when lines are blurred and when people are confused, we are suffering from a lack of purpose and direction in men. We’re suffering from victimization in women. I mean, you look at a lot of the really hardcore feminists, when you look at the deeper message there, they’re saying, we are less then and we want more because we are — we feel less then. So what they — they’re not really — that’s not very empowering, is it, at all? They’re trying to empower women and we have to wonder then what the messages they’re sending young women coming through teenagers and young women in their 20s is the message and it appears to be this, is the message you’re not equal to men and you’re not able to get the same pay in the same job. And you have to fight for everything otherwise, you don’t get anything? Is that the message you want to send? Or do you want to send the more empowering message, which is you’re just as capable as men and the other women that are around you in achieving everything that you want to achieve in life, you’re going to be given equality of opportunity at every point in your life. And it’s up to you as to whether you achieve at a high level or not. Same message that we give men. And for men, it’s about learning. This is what the book is about. This is what I teach in my groups and mentoring, speaking. And that is that for men, it’s about really understanding what it means to be a man and embodying some of the aspects, the virtues that we used to embody, which were respected and loved and desired by women as well and which helped to contribute the purpose and direction in society. And so, these are the virtual that men are missing these days because they just don’t know that they have to embody them. And so, what I do is I teach men to embody these virtues and these standards, which I write about in the book and then, be able to bring them and integrate them within their — themselves and bring them out then to society and their families and their workplaces. And so, we can — you know, I tend to get, I tend to get stuck in, you know, discussions about feminism and the May 2 movement, but that’s not really the point. The point is helping men to become much better. That’s the point.

Mario Fachini  [15:35]  

Well, that’s a great segue into my next question I have for you is how — who are you helping and how are you helping them? Because clearly, there’s a problem and a lot of men need help, how are you doing it with your coaching and your training?

Michael Lauria  [15:50]  

Cool. Okay. So with my coaching and mentoring and training, I run group — I facilitate groups for men. And I also do relationship coaching, too, because what I found is that when — it’s interesting actually, but I found that when I first started doing all of this many years ago, I was dealing just with men, I was helping men to overcome things like separation and divorce with children. Because, excuse me, that’s what I went through. And as I progressed, I found that what was happening was, these men were just becoming better versions of themselves, simply because of the fact that they were increasing their level of self-awareness. And now, we’re starting to embody some of the virtues and traits and attributes of the masculine in healthy ways. And so, what was happening was then their ex-partner was saying, well, hang on, who’s this new person, now, I’m all of a sudden attracted to you again. Let’s try and work on things and then, that evolved into relationship therapy for people too. So it’s interesting how it all evolved, but what I do essentially now, I still do relationship coaching which is good, and it’s a passion of mine and I love it, because I love helping couples to create and recreate connected and conscious relationships. But one of my main focuses is, one of my main focuses now is very much around men, and helping them to embody all of the traits and virtues of masculinity in — and being able to integrate them and express them, full expression of these traits and attributes in really positive healthy ways. So that they then have direction and purpose in life and feel fulfilled. And when we have men that are doing that and feeling that way, they become better fathers and better partners and better husbands. And better, you know, better colleagues and just better men in general.

Mario Fachini  [17:49]  

I think the world can definitely benefit from that. So let me ask you about transformational stories. What’s your biggest transformation you’ve been able to give to a client? What’s the biggest success story you’ve had from someone that was wherever they were prior and then they came to you and you got them to this new point?

Michael Lauria  [18:08]  

Yeah. Cool. Okay. So one guy comes to mind. And I won’t say his name just in case you never know. But —

Mario Fachini  [18:16]  

Rename him, rename him. How about Johnny.

Michael Lauria  [18:19]  

Rename him. Let’s call him Johnny. 

Mario Fachini  [18:23]

Okay.  

Michael Lauria  [18:24]  

We’re calling him Johnny, not his real name. But he came to me after he’d been incarcerated. So he was, at the time, about 24 and he had a bit of a disadvantage upbringing. And he came from a background where there was some drugs and alcohol and violence. And as happens with those sorts of environments that people grow up in, they generally tend to stay within them, because that’s where it’s comfortable. And so, he got himself into a bit of trouble ended up in jail for alcohol-fueled assault and drug use and, you know, trying to evade, captured by the police as well, you know, in a car. And so, he ended up in jail. He came out of jail and he was actually — which is unusual and it shouldn’t be but it is unusual. He was mostly or partly or mostly rehabilitated just by the experience of being put in jail. And all the — you know, the experience that he had in jail was not a pleasant one. And I think it helped him to realize the gravity of his actions and the direction that his life was going in. And so, the very first thing that he did when he came out of jail is he got himself a job, a very simple job. And he sought somebody out and it just happened to be me to help him along his path. And so, 12 months later, after 12 months of coaching and mentoring and unraveling all the layers of his subconscious and conscious mind that have developed over the years, he’s now running his own men’s groups for youth, for young people, right? And he’s now nearly — how old is he now? He’s now 29 going into 30 and he’s running — he has a Facebook group called The Mindful Youth and he runs groups and facilitates groups for young boys and teenagers from disadvantaged backgrounds, and teaches them the stuff that he learned from me, to help them to not be in the same situation that he was and make the same mistakes that he did. So for me, that’s just — that for me is probably — I mean, there’s others but this is probably the ones that stand — the one that stands out. Because what he’s doing is he’s empowering young people to become better versions of themselves so they grow up and be the men that we need in society.

Mario Fachini  [20:57]  

That is fantastic. Because I’ve been noticing a lot of things with kids over the years as I get wiser, let’s say, because I’m not aging I’m still young.

Michael Lauria  [21:10]  

Of course. 

Mario Fachini  [21:11]

Age is a —

Michael Lauria [21:12]

You look at every one of your 20, 23 years old, you look everyone as a —

Mario Fachini  [21:15]  

Age is a mindset. But I’ve noticed the kids from how I grew up are just, it’s sad. It’s really sad because I know it falls with the parents. And there was another thing article I saw. And it was this controversial issue about should we be teaching that — it was like adult thing in schools and people are saying the parent should be doing this. And then, the article was like, well, if the parents aren’t, at least the schools are and it was just like, how did we get so far away from, you know, center line and everything. So I’ve always liked helping people and I started my first company when I was 12. And people go wow, what you started it early, and I’m thinking yet there’s people on Shark Tank that are like seven, eight, and nine running multi-million dollar business. I wish I would have started early. So I think it’s great —

Michael Lauria [22:04]

Yes. Crazy, right? 

Mario Fachini [22:05]

— that he’s able to help the kids, because you get that embedded — I mean, the first — I’d say the 12 years of your life, 16, 18 for sure, I mean, those are the crucial years. You put someone on the right path then, that’s going to steer the trajectory for the rest of their life at — even if they fall off track, I mean, no one’s perfect, but I have never forgotten some of the stuff and I’ve spoken to thousands of people. It’s like, man, where’d you learn this at? This is great for business. And I’m thinking this is some crap I learned when I was like nine or 12 or 14 or whatever, just because it was instilled in me, you know? So what do you think that the fathers can be doing now to get back and what do you think they should be teaching the kids now? Let’s talk about what your book I seen. Once you share all the topic, not the — yeah, their topics. I saw the words on there. Why don’t you touch on those because I know you have a lot of points you’ve touched in the book.

Michael Lauria  [23:07]  

The words on the cover of the book?

Mario Fachini  [23:00]

Yes.

Michael Lauria  [23:11]  

Okay. So Forging Excalibur, Rediscover Your Masculinity, is that — 

Mario Fachini  [23:17]

The other ones where you have the bullet points of what they represent, the points you’re touching on.

Michael Lauria  [23:22]  

Oh, the seven standards of men?

Mario Fachini  [23:24]

Yes. 

Michael Lauria [23:25]

Yes. Okay. So the seven standards of men are standards that I believe every man should and could embody as virtues to bring with them in life to become the best possible version of themselves that they can and they are integrity, strength, courage, self-actualization, compassion, purpose and 100{d1d47f886dfada3fbec120c845cf21cbf2de07a46032aee93c7c36510b4a5e81} responsibility. So those are the seven standards of men. The biggest one which I believe is the most important — all of them are equally as important but if you don’t get this one, none of the others can and that is taking 100{d1d47f886dfada3fbec120c845cf21cbf2de07a46032aee93c7c36510b4a5e81} personal responsibility for everything. So every result, every feeling, every thought, every behavior, because as soon as we take 100{d1d47f886dfada3fbec120c845cf21cbf2de07a46032aee93c7c36510b4a5e81} responsibility for everything in our lives, what happens is that we stop blaming other people, we don’t externalize anything, we take full responsibility to then empower ourselves to grow into the person that doesn’t make that mistake again in the future or doesn’t behave that way in the future or doesn’t think like that in the future, passes on good attributes and good virtues to our sons. And so then, seven standards of men which are in the book and to kind of answer a second part of what was almost a question there, these men out there, what they can do, they could read the book if they wanted to, that will be the first thing, that would help them. But the second thing that they could really do is they could start to get in touch with themselves and be a lot more self-reflective. If we want to be better parents, we have to be better people. And if you can be more self-reflective and be very, very honest and acknowledge your own shortcomings and failures, then what you will do is you will improve upon them and you will immediately, as soon as you acknowledge that there’s something there that you need to improve on, you become a better version and more self-aware person straightaway. And then, when you do that, you can then be a better father, you can then be a better partner straightaway. Because then, you’ll be a lot more conscious and self-aware of what you’re thinking and how you are feeling and then the subsequent behavior and action that takes place as a result of that. And then, of course, you influence the outcome to be different.

Mario Fachini  [25:43]  

I like your approach. I like your approach. It sounds to me like when you start with within, everything else falls into place.

Michael Lauria [25:52]  

It certainly does. I’m a massive advocate of if you want to have a look at who you are as a person and what you believe as a person, have a look at your results. And that is the quality of your relationship that you then balance. How many friends do you have and know they’re good quality friends? What do you do for a living? And does it contribute to others in a positive way? And does it have some meaning and purpose? Do you feel generally fulfilled in life? When you get — when you go to bed at night, do you rest your head on the pillow with a clear conscience and with peace in your heart as well? And as you wake up in the morning, when you wake up in the morning, are you grateful? And if you can’t answer those questions, and you can’t — you don’t feel that way, then something’s missing and something needs to be tweaked.

Mario Fachini  [26:42]  

I agree with you 100{d1d47f886dfada3fbec120c845cf21cbf2de07a46032aee93c7c36510b4a5e81}. One of my favorite things I’ve talked about for years and I actually put it into Episode 18 is Femmes PR, financial, emotional, mental, spiritual, physical and relational. And it sounds like you lead with a lot of the same stuff too because everyone’s asking for all these extroverted, extraneous, whatever ways, what’s the fastest path to success? And you know, especially with business and all these things and it’s like, oh, maybe if I do this, that, the other thing. And it’s like, no, no, maybe if you fix this one little thing about you, it has this ripple effect on all the other areas that, you know, you’re not succeeding in. Because when you’re talking about the subconscious, love that also, I wanted to go into psychology, we don’t realize those drivers, and there could be something from 18 years ago, 20 years ago that’s driving us that’s way in the back here. You’re like, no, no, that’s not a problem. It’s not a problem because it’s 2{d1d47f886dfada3fbec120c845cf21cbf2de07a46032aee93c7c36510b4a5e81} of your mindset and you forgot about it, but it’s sitting there driving 60{d1d47f886dfada3fbec120c845cf21cbf2de07a46032aee93c7c36510b4a5e81} of your daily actions. So when you’re working with people —

Michael Lauria  [27:49]

Yeah. Or sometimes.

Mario Fachini  [27:52]

Yeah, let’s talk about that. How do you get people to break through and get past those mental blocks? Because I know there’s people listening going, wow, this is good stuff. I do want to get past this, but, you know, I had this issue and I can relate to that. But how? How do you break the subconscious mental blocks? If you — not how do you just break them? That’s if you’re self-aware, conscious competence. What would you say to someone that doesn’t even want to admit or even say, no, no, that’s not a problem for me. I don’t have that. That’s when you know, it’s the biggest problem because they’re in denial of it, you know, how do you get past that?

Michael Lauria  [28:26]  

And are not acknowledging it. Yeah. Well, look, if we go back to what we were talking about before, and that is looking at your results. If you’re not — if you’re getting undesirable results, then it’s coming from a much deeper place. And it’s as simple as that. And as soon as you can acknowledge that the results you’re getting are not desirable, they’re not the results that you want, then you also must acknowledge that you help to create those results. Because if you can’t acknowledge that, then what you’re actually saying is that somebody else is in control of my life. Somebody else, somewhere, somewhere else, someone is in control of my life and my results. And I can’t do anything about it, so nothing to do with me. So then, you’re not taking responsibility either. And so, when you start to highlight these things to people, people go, well hang on a second, what do you mean? Of course, I’m in control of my life. Of course, what are you saying, someone else is in control of my life? And then, from a man’s perspective, there’s too much ego there for them to admit that. And so then, they must admit that they are the creator of their own destiny, that they can create different results if they actually want to. And then, you start getting a level of acknowledgement that is more conducive with someone with a slightly open mind, more open mind that will develop a more of a growth mindset to then acknowledge it. Okay, cool. All right. Well, let’s have a little bit of a look deeper and we’ll see what’s there. It’s when you trigger that good old male ego, it has to acknowledge that they’re out of control. And they don’t want to do that, that you then start to bring people inwards and stop them from focusing externally.

Mario Fachini  [30:16]  

You nailed it. Absolutely nailed it. And thank you for sharing that. You got me thinking about a few things and I’m excited because I’ve been doing a lot of personal work. You know, once I realized years ago that it’s not just about the success, it’s about who you become and the journey you go on. I mean, no one’s perfect. But yeah, there — you can have those drivers and you nailed it. I mean, plain and simple. When you look at the results, whatever area is, there’s a — it’s always a deeper connection. It’s always something deeper. 

Michael Lauria  [30:52]  

Absolutely. Absolutely. Uh-huh. And something else I’ll just touch on quickly that I talked about in the book as well is about how — and this is I guess the second part of your very first question about what — why have men gotten to the point that they have. There’s another part of this as well, which ties into what you just said about success. And I truly believe that we live in a society, which is, in my opinion, for men, a very toxic success driven society, where men are actually put under a lot of pressure and put themselves under a lot of pressure to succeed and achieve at a very, very high level. And so, what that does and what a lot of men don’t realize is that not that there’s anything wrong with achievement, and there’s nothing wrong with, you know, working towards achieving goals and having aspirations, I have my own so, there’s no issue with any of that. The way men come on stuck with this particular thing is that they will forge ahead and they will go for this success, whatever that even means to them, and most people don’t even know what success even means to them. They just think if they live in a big house and drive an Aston Martin and you know, have a good looking wife and a couple of good looking kids, then they’re successful, right? And they got lots of money in the bank and they’ve got this status in society, which is quite high in the hierarchical chain, that on the other ladder, that they’re successful, so success has been very much about tying that to superficial monetary, material wealth, and societal status. And what happens is that men go on this journey, and I talked about this in the book and I, and I use a mountain as an allegory for the journey of success. So men climb what I call Mount Success, and they do so with one hand, and they climb and success and what they’re holding on to with the other hand is everything that they truly value, which is their relationship with their wife or partner, and their children, and that environment that’s just extended family and friends as well and they’re holding onto all that with one hand, they get halfway up Mount Success and they look up and the — at the apex is that shiny little thing up there you called success and they can’t do it just with one hand anymore because the requirement is too much. There’s more of a time requirement, there’s more of an energy requirement to get to the next level, to get to the epitome, the apex, the top. To get to success, they need both hands. And a lot of men will lose sight of what they truly value on the way up Mount Success that they will use then both hands to climb Mount Success. And what they’ve done is that they then let go of everything they truly value, they truly value, which is their family and they get to the top. If they do, they get to the top and then, they look around and there’s nobody there and they’ve got nothing left and they’ve lost everything that they truly value along the way. And this is what leads to depression in men at a very, very high. When you look at these guys who are CEOs in big companies, and who have gotten to this epitome, this success that we call it, they’re actually — they actually mostly don’t feel fulfilled because they’ve gotten there but have had to sacrifice everything that they value along the way. And they’ve got the car and they’ve got the penthouse apartment and they’ve got everything that they’ve got, but they get home at 11 o’clock at night and they’re miserable because they’ve achieved success without the fulfillment that comes along with that. And that they’ve lost everything they value as well. It’s very sad, very sad. But I wrote about this in the book. And this is one of the other things that causes men to, I guess, feel the way that they do very much in society now because there’s so much pressure to succeed. So much pressure that they will sacrifice what they truly value along the line..

Mario Fachini  [35:01]  

And it’s not worth it. It’s not worth it. 

Michael Lauria  [35:04]  

It’s not worth it, no. No, it’s not worth it. But we don’t see that on the trek up Mount Success, we don’t see that — we just see this — the epitome of success that we want to achieve. And we don’t realize that when we get there, the actions that we’re taking, the thoughts and emotions that we’re engaging in along the way, our success driven only success driven, and they don’t take into account that which we actually value. And all men value at the highest and deepest level their family, because if they get to that point without their family, it’s not the ceiling. We want to get to that point with everything that we value.

Mario Fachini  [35:44]  

That was captivating, and it was also very illustrative. I saw that mountain when you were talking about it, honestly. That was — thank you for that. That was great. 

Michael Lauria  [35:57]

Thank you. 

Mario Fachini  [35:58]

For anyone listening, check out MichaelLauriaCoaching.com. And to learn more, you can get info on the book, you can get info on Michael, we’re going to keep going here, but I know you’re chomping at the bit already to go. Okay, this is awesome. Where can I find out? So check out MichaelLauriaCoaching.com. Michael, let’s talk about the book before we go to the Imperfect Action Round. What has publishing your book done for your business since it’s launched?

Michael Lauria  [36:28]  

Well, what has it done to my business? I think, what it’s done for me because when we change as people, when we grow, and when we develop, we become somebody different. And then, when we can — then we can approach business in a very different way. So I suppose the book as with anything with anybody that releases a book gives them a little bit more credibility, a little bit more of a higher standing in the market, if you like. It’s supposed to position you as an authority in your niche too. So whether it’s done that or not, who knows? That wasn’t the point of it in the first place, the point of it was really to help men. But what it’s changed is it’s changed — I think what I think what it does is it’s changed me as a person, it’s made me become more — helps me become a different person, in order to then serve my clients at a higher level. Because by getting everything out of here into a book, on this subject, it’s really helped to solidify my passion and my beliefs and my stance on this particular subject of helping men rediscover their masculinity, which means that it helps me be a lot more directed in my coaching sessions. And in — when I go — when I’m mentoring somebody as well, and so, I can give it a much higher level.

Mario Fachini  [37:46]  

So it’s — you’re saying it’s helped you more. So it’s helped your business by helping you more be better at your business.

Micahel Lauria  [37:54]  

Yeah, that’s right. And this is — it’s all about the internal journey, right? Everything external is as a result of what we do internally. And so, if you — for instance, if your business is not going the way that you want it to, stop looking so much at marketing and advertising and this and that and everything else and become the person that is successful in business, so become that person, do what you need to do from an internal place and then, you’ll find your external results will reflect that.

Mario Fachini  [38:26]  

I’ve heard that there are no business problems. There’s only personal problems that show up in business.

Michael Lauria  [38:32]  

Yeah, that’s right. That’s exactly right. If there’s something that’s really suffering in your business or your life, you’ll find it is as a result of some kind of subconscious belief or value or paradigm that is within you that is blocking you from achieving whatever it is that you want to achieve. That’s all it is. It’s not the market. It’s not the economy. It’s not your Facebook marketing person. It’s not —

Mario Fachini  [38:57]  

But I heard it’s the president regardless of what which one it is.

Michael Lauria  [39:01]  

Well, he’s a good guy. He’s a perfect guy to use as a scapegoat though, isn’t he?

Mario Fachini  [39:08]  

Or her in the future. But I’ve said, I’ve said that. I’ve said that for years ever since I could vote and everyone’s like, oh, no, what about this? What about that? And it’s like clockwork, it’s like I have never had any of them come to my front door and be like, hey, all those dreams you’ve been working on and you know, wanting to achieve, here you go.

Michael Lauria  [39:31]  

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that’s right. It’s a loss.

Mario Fachini  [39:34]  

It’s up to you, it’s up to you. And I’m glad you’re talking about that. So I have one more question right before we go to the Imperfect Action Round, and I call this the answer — what am calling it? It’s the Expert Authority — no. Yeah, the Expert Authority Effect roller coaster. It’s a fun part of the show where I ask you something not necessarily related to business. So I’ve got deep level stuff. You know, if you want to go, hey, do you want to — do you believe in the moon landing? Is that real or not? And then, I got, who’s your favorite celebrity? I know what I’m going to ask you though. And I’d say it’s something in between. Fair?

Michael Lauria  [40:09]  

Okay, go for it. Go for it.

Mario Fachini  [40:12]  

What is part of your morning routine that helps you set the day off right?

Michael Lauria  [40:19]  

Okay. So I have a couple. So one of them is I have an app on my phone called Welltory, which I’ve just started using recently and what it does is it measures your heart rate and your heart rate variability, and it gives you a state of readiness in the morning. And what that does is it starts to — and I’ve only been using this for maybe a week now but it’s, now, actually form part of my morning routine because it tells me very quickly from a physiological point of view and an emotional point of view what I need to do to nurture myself during the day. Am I, am I — is my body in a state of readiness to go full steam ahead or do I need to, you know, rest and relax for a little while before going full steam ahead. So that’s one of them. But the very first thing that I do before I even open my eyes and fully into consciousness is gratitude. That’s the first one. Before I even open my eyes, I will, in my mind, list however many things I can possibly list to be grateful for. And on top of that, I practice something that I call extraordinary thankfulness. So I think of one thing in my life that’s not going as well as it possibly could and find a way to be grateful for the experience.

Mario Fachini  [41:38]  

I like it. I like it. Is there anything else you want to mention? Like maybe perhaps a special drink that you have or anything?

Michael Lauria  [41:46]  

Oh. And then, after that, it’s a long black.

Mario Fachini  [41:50]  

Very good. I like that.  I really do

Michael Lauria  [41:52]  

Must be an Italian blend though.

Mario Fachini  [41:56]  

Can’t go wrong with Italian.

Michael Lauria  [41:58]  

No, you can’t, Mario.

Mario Fachini  [42:01]  

Alright, so we’re gonna go do the sponsor and we’re going to come back with the Imperfect Action Round. Fun part of the show, rapid fire 60-second questions. We’ll be right back after we thank our sponsor.

SPONSOR – Business Book Checklist  [42:12]

Why every business needs a book, including yours? Would you like to say five plus hours with every prospect generate more leads and profit in your business now? Visit BusinessBookChecklist.com and learn how you can implement this in your business today. 

Mario Fachini  [42:28]

And we are back with the Imperfect Action Round. Michael, are you ready to take imperfect action?

Michael Lauria  [42:34]  

Oh, yes, I always am.

Mario Fachini  [42:36]  

Excellent. 

Michael Lauria  [42:36]

This will be interesting. 

Mario Fachini  [42:39]

Told you were going to have fun and it’s going to be the best interview you’re doing this week. Alright. So the first question is what is the fastest path to the cash?

Michael Lauria  [42:53]  

The journey of inner self development.

Mario Fachini  [42:56]  

I like it. Number two — it’s gonna be a good one, I promise. Number two, what is the biggest problem you see your prospects making and what’s the fastest way they can fix it?

Michael Lauria  [43:11]  

Oh, the biggest problem my prospects are making is that they have no clarity of purpose in their life. And the fastest way to fix it is to buy my book, Forging Excalibur.

Mario Fachini  [43:23]  

Excellent. Number three, what is the best way to maximize customer lifetime value?

Michael Lauria  [43:32]  

By just giving more than you receive. 

Mario Fachini  [43:37]  

Very good. And the final question — well, second from final question is about a book again, what book has made the biggest difference in your life?

Michael Lauria  [43:54]  

Probably The Alchemist.

Mario Fachini  [43:59]  

That’s a good one.

Michael Lauria [44:00]

The Alchemist. It is a good one.

Mario Fachini  [44:03]  

All right. So where can people find more?

Michael Lauria  [44:08]  

Of me?

Mario Fachini [44:09]

Yes

Michael Lauria [44:10]

On the social media, so they search my name, Michael Lauria, L-A-U-R-I-A. You’ll find me on Facebook, and you’ll find me on LinkedIn and Instagram under Michael Lauria Coaching and at MichaelLauriaCoaching.com.

Mario Fachini  [44:22]  

Excellent. Well, Michael, it’s been an absolute pleasure. I’m glad you could join us today. And it was great. It’s been a pleasure. 

Michael Lauria  [44:31]

Thank you, Mario. Appreciate the opportunity.

Mario Fachini  [44:34]  

All right, expert authority world, we got another great episode here. We hope you have a great day and God bless.

SPONSOR – Business Book Checklist  [44:41]  

Why every business needs a book, including yours? Would you like to say five plus hours with every prospect generate more leads and profit in your business now? Visit BusinessBookChecklist.com and learn how you can implement this in your business today. 

www.EAInterviews.com  [44:56]

Hey, thanks for listening to today’s episode. I hope you got a lot out of it. I know I sure did. If you haven’t done so already, I invite you to subscribe to the show. And also be sure to check out EAInterviews.com for complete show notes, the full interview video experience, links to the resources we mentioned and more. Have a blessed day and I’ll see you tomorrow.